Midshipman Bolitho makes me realize just how far I've fallen and to what pit of impropriety and inappropriateness I have condemned my very inappropriate crew. This could become, it in fact is a problem that I ought address at some point in time.

Due to our small numbers, and the fact that we consist of mostly officers and one seaman, we fraternize far far more than we ought to have. Archie, Bush, Ms Smith and I spend too much time with Styles. In addition to this, Miss Bush and Miss Kitty spend more time than is appropriate on the ship with no chaperones in sight. This is... concerning to say the very least.

I really had ought to put a stop to it, yet I enjoy it. I enjoy being here and things proceeding as they do. This makes for a terrible captaincy and I never wanted that much either. Why is it that when I am finally happy, I come to understand that I am wrong, completely wrong and need for these things to stop? How can I possibly come to enforce these things?

Would that I knew or had some counsel in this matter...

Whatever my husbandfiance chooses is where I will go.
-Cecily Smith

This feels like the War of 1812 is suddenly happening all over again and this time I'm involved.

...What do I do now? School never prepared me for this.

-Cecily Smith

...I do not even want to know. Lieutenant Bush and I were taking a moment, he had mentioned wanting to speak to me about something personal the day after my birthday. Admiral Norrington approached us for some reason, said that he could use some help with a problem he was having. We went into the Wardroom together, which probably for this century wasn't the best of ideas but face it, the only places I haven't been alone with a guy before are bedrooms and bathrooms so really.

I don't really know what happened next. There was Admiral Pellew fuming, Captain Hornblower looking absolutely furious though he was quiet about the whole thing, and I was stuffed in some Firefly looking crate, they were lifting Lieutenant Bush out of another.

And then it was suddenly Thanksgiving and now its suddenly nearly Christmas. I also found out I've been cloned while I was out of it, and she was wearing my uniform.

I don't know. I still feel odd and out of it. They want my blood again later too to rule out other things that might have happened while I wasn't myself. There's something about terrorizing Will Turner into raping a younger Norrington?
...

On second thought I don't think that I want to know.

-Cecily Smith

Dear Television Movies,

Stop rubbing it in. Stop torturing me with your storylines of these bright young people in their millitary academies with the uniforms and the dorm rooms and the drills and all of the other wonderful things I'll always be missing.

Fuck you Texas Cadet Story....Just fuck you.

...Tommorow I turn eighteen and I suppose its then that everything really starts. I think I'm looking forward to it, maybe it'll snap me from this rut I've been living in since after Christmas.

The captain says that he's prepared to take me, that my place as midshipman is assured whether or not I go through with marrying William. Now that he holds an actual Captaincy he has told me that he can afford to bend the rules a bit with regards to the 'seizure of American born citizens for service upon Royal Navy warships" or something along those lines, and that if I wish to move right in, there will be none to stop me.

I think though that I still wish to go through with the initial plan, though if we might be honnest, William still feels much more like a brother than someone I could honnestly love. I don't think I do the love bits very well to be honnest. I mean the last six years or so of my life, I've spent with mostly guys, even though my cadets were of course, always girls. But there was math team, rotc, the riffle squad...even though there were always more than a couple fellow women there...It wasn't like I was especially close to them, we were never bff the way Belcher and I were.

I wonder if I told him, would he manage a way to come to see me married, sworn into Brittain's Royal Service, and how much time that sort of thing will concievably take. I should have said it a while ago, I know, but time sort of got ahead of me without an exact schedule to think of.

But it's not as if the man hasn't got an email and a laptop, and hell, even his own blog that I keep up with reading. It's not as if he didn't believe me when I told him I was hanging out with these people...he's the one who sent me all the reincarnation books when I transfered to Eupheme and noticed the weird crap happening with all my classmates...

Apparantly, my best friend is even odder than I am and would like this sort of thing.

There, I've just shot off an email explaining what's happened and hopefully, maybe, how to get here. Now no matter what else happens, that ought to be a certainty at some place in time. The old life intersects the new or something along those lines? Possibly at least?

I guess the only thing we'll do is see...

-Cecily Smith