I am being told to write here because...I have no idea why actually. Yes, some things have been bothering me lately. Several things but one more than the others and apparently it's not healthy to ignore things like this for very long or they seem to go crazy. Well then. In the interest of avoiding complete and total madness, I suppose that I may as well come out with it.

I have recently made a new friend. An actual countrywoman of mine despite the millenia between us. Mistress Allett reminds me of those parts of myself I'd forgotten existed. It started with sharing music together. My harp and her fiddle and some of the old songs and then...it led to other things. Discussions of old places, how things have changed between our years and damn.

In Steren's day and age, a reemergence of Cornish culture, of all cultures that made up parts of conquered England, has been recognized and there has been a lot of work done in finding out, replicating and experiencing "the past".

This past involves some things I barely know of, things I had forgotten and some things I should know and hold dear. I hate knowing that the woman from a time after it had been declared extinct, can speak the native tongue that I should know far better than I can. I hate that I can hardly remember the words, since most of what was used in Mark's court, and all that was used in Camelot is English.

Being who and what I am, and who and I what I know I am supposed to be...this should not stand. It cannot stand, and yet it is, it has and damn. It pricks at me. Yes, I'm getting her to teach me more of it, and yes it's important enough to do it right but just...I'm allowed irritation at some parts of this I'd say.

I don't think that I'm jealous. Just annoyed with myself and the world I was part of. Does that even start making sense? I am not sure anymore. It doesn't really help that Sar, my Mabinog, has not practiced in a few days. Something about a papercut but there goes my way to get this out.

FML. Well marginally.